The last day of January. January for me in the past has always felt so long, as though I lived several liftemes in the course of each week. While this January has not been an exception to that, it did seem to go faster than previous years. A lot of things did happen in our lives this past month – my husband had covid, my 14 year old dog died, my daughter and I both had major dental procedures, spring semester started back at school, my father in law being was evaluated to transition into an assisted living facility, not to mention work & cooking & everything else that has to happen to keep humans alive – but beyond that there was something deeper that shifted in my soul. A slow release of control. A release of trying to make the picture make sense. Please don’t get me wrong, I have a wonderful life. I am not suffering in any shape or form. But I am sure each of us have this picture in our head of how “it is supposed to be.” When you get to a point in your life and realize that picture of how “it is supposed to be” is probably never going to happen, it is a grieving process. Each person has to face it in their own way through their own journey.
I have learned to protect myself for so long from fear of getting hurt by others and by trying to control situations that I now realize the person I am hurting the most is myself. The protection I have so carefully contructed around me has also inhibited me from surrending to God and being fully in His presence. I can no longer hold two worlds in my hand, the world in which everything I want to happen happens, and then His world, where it is His will that takes over, and eventually something even better than I could have imagined happens. At some point there has to be a sacrifice, dying out to me, in order for this to take place. Every book I have read the last month, every church service I have attended, almost anything that so much has brushed up against me has had a central theme, Surrender, Obey, Patience, Rest, Endurance, Believing, Move Forward.
I realized last week sharing something everyday on my blog probably would just be overbearing, and with a full time job and being in school right now, could easily become more of a burden for me than something I enjoy. But I do want to keep sharing, because writing and sharing is helpful for me. My goal is to share weekly.
Today’s SOAP note
Scripture: Psalm 125: 1-2 (NLT): Those who trust in the Lord are as secure as Mount Zion; they will not be defeated but will endure forever. Just as the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people, both now and forever.
Observation: God is always with us. Once you have experienced the richness of His presence, no matter what life may throw your way, you know where He can be found and that He is always for you. The daily devotion (Bible in One Year 2021 with Nicky Gumbel) I read today stated this:
‘Nothing great was ever done without much enduring,’ wrote St Catherine of Siene. The key to endurance lies in trusting God. This is based on the character & protection of the God in whom we trustt.
Application: Write out on a card and keep it in a place you can see, speak it outloud: God is with me. God is for me. He is above me. He is in me. He surrounds me.
Prayer: God as I start this week, help me to know deep inside of me that you are for me. It is easy to look at others and see how you have been for them but I know you are the God who does not change and you are for me and my family too. You have a perfect plan for our lives and even though we may never see the big picture, we know you are in control and I surrender to that today.